What my Father in Heaven wants me to remember...

 

I've been struggling with some depression over the last few months. Drew has recently been called as the Bishop of our ward. Being Bishop is absolutely where The Lord needs Drew right now. It was made abundantly clear before he even got the calling and many times after. The Lord is going to bless so many of our ward members through Drew. I know this. Every Sunday and a few days through out the week as well, Drew will leave to go attend to Bishop interviews, meetings, councils, visits, etc and I stay home. I listen to crying, fighting children. I change diapers and wipe bums. I clean the house or maybe I should say attempt to clean the house. That's it. In my head, I view Drew as being important, a leader, someone people depend on and look to for guidance. The Lord has trust him with the responsibility of being the father of our ward. He has stewardship over hundreds. What about me? The Lord doesn't trust me to do anything but stay home, clean house and wipe bums. I am less important than Drew. I am less valuable. I am not needed. This is what I have been thinking about myself and IT IS WRONG. I have allowed the world's definition of value and importance to speak louder than Heavenly Father's definition. I have listened to the lies that Satan is telling me to convince me that I am nothing. 

Over the last few months, I have spent time adjusting medication and making changes in my life in hopes of mental and emotional improvement. I have recognized, FOR MYSELF, that spending more time on social media than I am devoting to the Lord and my family makes me feel worse about myself. I start to compare my life to the lives of those I am "following." I have been trying to spend less time on my phone and more time reading and listening to uplifting books and podcasts that strengthen my testimony of my Savior, Jesus Christ. My mood and perspective has slowly been getting better. But every Sunday or each time Drew leaves for an interview or meeting, Satan creeps into my mind and I feel like I am starting back at square one. 

One evening, Drew and I were talking about how I was feeling, what he could do to help, etc, like we had done so many times before. This time though, he said something different, something that Heavenly Father needed me to hear. He said, "Because of my calling, I have to leave you here at home to take care of our children alone. That's hard. But Heavenly Father was able to call me as Bishop because He knew I could leave you at home with our kids and He wouldn't have to worry about them. He trusts YOU enough to give me this calling and He knows that you are at home with our children. You are nurturing, teaching and loving them." 

This really made an impact on me. Could this be true? Does Heavenly Father trust me enough to raise HIS children, often times alone? Is that why He was able to extend this calling to Drew? 

I have been reflecting on these questions and this perspective and then I cam across this line in my Patriarchal Blessing, "Be mindful of the trust and love of the Lord in you. He knows you well and sees in you the capacity to do the good that He will expect of you." Could this be the trust that is referred to in my Patriarchal Blessing? Trusting me to love and nurture our children, His children, often times alone as Drew serves the Lord at church? 

As I have been pondering and reflecting on this, I have come to know that it absolutely is. Am I a perfect mother? No! But I am striving to do my best to teach my children to love The Lord. I am trying to teach them how to recognize the influence of the Holy Ghost in their lives. I am making an effort to teach them, by example, that when we read the scriptures, pray, have Family Home Evening, listen to uplifting music, etc, we can strengthen our relationship with our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ. We can be happy; we can feel peace. 

It probably goes without saying, but this is an ongoing process for me. I am still fighting to be happy. I am still trying to ignore thoughts that I know come from Satan and not from my loving Heavenly Father. In that regard, Here are some eternal truths that I would like to remember... 

Things my Father in Heaven wants me to remember:

• I am a beloved daughter of Heavenly Parents. They know me, love me and are aware of me. 
• I can turn to Him in thought and prayer and He will comfort me, guide me and give me peace. 
• Because my Savior, Jesus Christ suffered and atoned for my sins and then died for me, I don't ever have to feel alone. He knows how I feel and is with me always. 
• The most important work I will ever do is with my children, in and out of the home. 
• God trusts, loves and has so much confidence in me that He trusts me to focus on this work, sometimes without Drew. 
• There are mortal and immortal angels surrounding and supporting me always.

 "Wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf