Enough Value.
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I have always known that I am a Child of God. I know that He created me. He knows me. He loves me. But I don’t always feel that. In these months of depression, Satan’s voice telling me I am not loved or valued has been louder than the Holy Ghost speaking the truth that I am a daughter of Heavenly Parents; I am loved, have infinite worth and a divine purpose.
Recently I have been reading a book by Ganel-Lyn Condie titled, “You Are More Than Enough: You Are Magnificent”. This book has been eye opening. She is speaking the things of my heart. How can she have written my story without having ever met me? Is it possible that I am not the only one on earth who have struggled with these thoughts and feelings? Of course the answer is yes, but in the thick of it, it truly feels like you are alone. You are broken.
I wanted to share something from the most recent chapter I read:
“There is a well-known parable about two wolves. A grandfather explained to his grandson that there are two wolves inside each of us. One of them is a good wolf that represents things like kindness, bravery, and love. The other is a bad wolf that represents things like greed, hatred, and fear. The grandfather explained that these wolves are always at war-continually fighting each other. The boy listened, pondered for a minute, and then asked, “Grandfather, which one wins?”
The grandfather said, “The one you feed.”
No one is exactly sure of the origin of this parable, but the message is clear. There is a fight going on inside each of us.
Now I am going to recharacterize the wolves from the parable. The fight is real; it is the struggle to know and believe that you are enough. The wolf representing good correlates to self-worth and perceived value. The wolf representing bad believes her value depends on how clean the house is, how much she weighs, the grades her kids get in school, and whether she planted a garden this year. Her struggle is constant because the target keeps moving. Just as she feels like she has mastered daily scripture study, she finds that her value is in question because she isn't going to the temple as often as her neighbor is.
The good wolf marches to a different drum. A quiet beat in her heart tells her to trust that her value is not based on what she does, how she looks, or what her popularity is on Instagram. Her faith tells her that her value is based simply on being-existing. The good wolf embraces individual worth simply because she is a daughter of God. The good wolf isn't perfect. She tries to make decisions in alignment with her core values-taking care of her family, being kind to her neighbor, and studying her scriptures. And she also makes plenty of mistakes. She loses her temper, eats in response to emotions, and spends more money than the budget allows. The difference is she doesn't beat herself up when she falls short. The good wolf knows who she is-a beautiful work in progress-and she keeps going by feeding her divine nature.
You too have both a good and a bad wolf inside. The bad wolf tells you that no matter what, you will never measure up or make it. She tries to persuade you to think that your worth is contingent on someday-that elusive time when you figure it all out and get it all right. A day in the distant future when you are finally perfect, your kids are perfect, your body is perfect, your faith is perfect, and your house is perfect. That will be the day, she tells you, when you can finally believe you are valued. That will be the day you can take a deep sigh and conclusively know you are enough.
Wrong! It is time to starve that bad wolf. This very day is the day you start feeding the good wolf and banishing the bad wolf.
The good wolf is crying out to be fed. Feed her with truth. As the scriptures instruct, “Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.” Did you hear that? The worth of a soul is great. Not mediocre, not kind of good, but great. God isn't just putting up with you. He cherishes you. I know it doesn't always feel that way. I know that no matter how many Apostles and scriptures state the truth, you are being attacked by the bad wolf-so even when you are reminded of your worth, you quickly forget.
You know your value while sitting in the temple's celestial room, but then you forget when you fight with your husband or you aren't invited to the girls' night in the neighborhood. So instead of knowing you are beloved and valued by God, why don't you start with believing? Can you work on belief and then feed the good wolf until you know? To believe isn't to know; it is to have the seed of faith. Let's start with feeding the belief that you do have value separate from how much money you have, how you perform, what you get done on the to-do list, or how you look in that bathing suit. Start with hope, move to belief, and work into knowledge that you are of worth independent of all of that.”
I love this so much. Moving forward, I am going to “feed the good wolf with truth”. On days where I feel like I don’t KNOW, I am going to believe. I am going to believe that I have worth and value separate from how I look, what I got done on my never ending to-do list, my calling in church, whether or not I got invited to girls night or how much junk food I ate. I have worth independent of all of that. I have worth because Heavenly Father created me. I have worth simply because I’m breathing.
“ You are literally a spirit daughter of heavenly parents with a divine nature and an eternal destiny. That surpassing truth should be fixed deep in your soul and be fundamental to every decision you make as you grow into mature womanhood. There could never be a greater authentication of your dignity, your worth, your privileges, and your promise. Your Father in Heaven knows your name and knows your circumstance. He hears your prayers. He knows your hopes and dreams, including your fears and frustrations. And He knows what you can become through faith in Him.’’
- Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
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